last thursday i found out that a discussion fortunately opened up on another day which i was able to switch into so that now my schedule on wednesday is not as jam packed THANK GOODNESS. my LAB is still on wednesday which is killer, but i can deal.
BUT... thats not the end. well the only reason why i actually checked to see that there was an opening was because of my friend who called to ask about my schedule. but the thing was that she actually needed to switch with my discussion on wednesday so she could get into a class. there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. i 100% wanted to do that. BUT, i went to see if there was an opening already and lo and behold there WAS an opening ALREADY in my friends discussion. it was all pretty complicated but basically she said that she would only switch with me if there was an opening in the other class. the dilemma is that in order for me to switch, i would have to wait till the next day to have a counselor switch our discussion becuase if we manually did it, someone on waitlist could automatically get in my spot if i switched. and then theres the whole uncertainty that her spot would be taken... and there was only ONE SPOT LEFT. my friend was going to be a while before she got to a computer and i couldnt wait any longer. and i couldnt screw myself over twice. and so i switched into her discussion.
so she got on a computer. and someone was apparently on waitlist. and someone took her spot.
the end.
ps. there were no hard feelings on this one. we're friends and she was fortunately able to get into another class.
so my friend from last quarter asks me to switch labs with him. ok well maybe not really friends so much, i was his lab partner last quarter. but last week, i find out he's still taking the anatomy series with me this quarter. and last week, he called me to ask if i wanted to switch labs with him. apparently he emailed the whole class about it and no one responded to switch. and he told me that if i or another person did not switch labs with him, he would not be able to take a class this quarter and consequently would have to stay at UC Riverside another year, unable to graduate.
now there are several problems that can potentially rise for myself when switching labs.
1. i like the way my schedule is. i scheduled it out so that i have gaps in between and time frames where i have enough time to prepare for lab.
2. switching labs would mean that i would stack a lot of my classes on wednesday. it would mean 1 discussion, 3 lectures, and a 3 hour lab on wednesday. and in my discussion, there will often be reading assignments and short papers to write.
3. my lab will be right after a lecture, meaning i will have to inconvinence myself, using another gap earlier in the day to study for my lab, when that time was set aside to study other material before lecture.
i am pretty much a dang nerd. and these problems are pretty huge for me. but at what cost? at the cost of having someone wait an ENTIRE YEAR before taking this class again, not being able to graduate. so in other words, if i said no, he would simply have to wait an ENTIRE YEAR before taking a class just because i dont want to and i dont want this odd schedule that i'd have to deal with. i mean, i COULD switch, but i just dont want to. what a HAUNTING THOUGHT this was. was it right for him to impose such a big decision on me! is this fair?
well it was a pretty long dragged process as he checked up a few times by texts and phone calls to see if i came to a decision. and he said that he "did not want to force me." well dont get me wrong. this guy's a pretty cool guy. i understand the urgency. but man. quite a drag. so he told me that i should decide by monday, the day i'll see him in class, because the lab he would switch with me would be on tuesday.
so i thought about it a lot. and man. my head was spinning from just the idea of switching. i mean, man... i just flat out dont want to. i have my schedule planned out with these specific gaps to have me study before these things. so what was i to do?
so today i had to make a decision. i had a break before class and i was talking to my old roomate about what i should do. it was a very well thought out talk as the options became absolutely clear about what i could do:
a. tell him no simply because i have prior engagements of nba 2k8 that day. (i played nba 2k8 with my old roomate last wednesday and he considered making this routine every wednesday, the day of the lab)
b. avoid him before and after class and run away with no answer.
c. simply avoid going to class all together
d. or say yes and just suck it up.
options a b c were hillarious, well thought out situations, all with hillarious outcomes. see typically, you would think that this is one of those decisions where i hate to come to a decision to and i know the answer, but i just drag it out because i hate coming to that decision. but this time was actually pretty different. i felt that each option of "yes" or "no" had an equal chance of being the outcome. i felt i could be my sympathetic self and just go with the usual "yeah sure i'll switch." but this time, i also felt something new, where i actually could see myself heartlessly saying "no man, i cant." after all, it is my right to keep my schedule. it would be me doing him a favor. what right would he have being angry with me?
so what did calvin do? did calvin go with his typical sympathetic self or did he embrace this new, dark feeling to heartlessly say no to begin a dark new haunting chapter of his life?
so i waited for him after class. i stood outside, he came up to me and asked if i came to a decision. i told him my problems with it. he reiterated the urgency. i pulled my hair, wavering back and forth. and then - i looked up - and a thought i didnt want to hear crept up on me and told me to just do it. and so i said yeah i'll switch.
how terrible it would be to have me be able to switch, and not switch just becuase i dont feel like it and consequently cost this guy graduating on time. and there continues the very predictable life of calvin lum.
i dont really feel like doing homework right now. summer's almost here and... man. i think there is so much that i dont remember about this school year that it just seemed so dang long. i remember coming back here way back in fall quarter just not knowing what to expect from upper divisions and everything. i thought i was going to get murdered. but i guess not. well at least for the first 2 quarters. i dunno about this quarter... my GPA might go down. and wait till next year... i think its going to go even more down. this quarter by far has been the most hectic quarter of school ever since i felt like i had to deal with just so many different things. at the beginning of the quarter, i had to deal with applying for this internship that was just filled with so many damn complications and just my half-ass effort in applying and it seemed to drain me a lot more than it should of really. by me not choosing strongly to either drop it or keep trying, it was more of a problem than it should've been. then there was that whole "not knowing what class to drop keep or add" phase for the first 2 weeks. then me and my roomate had to figure out our living situation for next school year. then i had to figure out how i was going to fulfill my volunteer hours for physical therapy for the summer... and i can really just talk about all these things i had to do all day. for the first 6 7 weeks of this quarter, there was not a day that i did not feel like crap waking up in the morning. just dead. no direction, no future, hopeless. i guess after 2nd round of midterms hit, it was a bit better after that as things started to get at least a little bit more predictable and steady. and still things are sort of not set for me.
well anyways, it is going to be great coming back home this summer. there was that decision of just "no freaking way am i going to stay down here for a consecutive summer without being home." home is home. there's nothing like it. even like 2 summers ago when i was home when i honestly didnt enjoy it that much at the time, but i look back at it now and all i can remember are just good times man. good times. i think thats how a lotta things are. you dont realize how great the times were until the times are gone.
quite a lot of things to be learned from this quarter.quite a lot. and man. this summer will be the longest time i've spent home since 2006. craaaazy
its been a pretty terrible past 5 weeks. with all these responsibilities i've had to get taken care of, i've made so many mistakes. it is horrible. it is unbelievably frustrating. and i still have a lot of growing up to do.
